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Name: Stella
Gender: Female
Interests: Dancing, playing the drums, enjoying good company, enjoying good tastes, reflecting, spoken word, hotties, performing, poetry, listening to good music, trying new things, love, creating, whatever else tickles my fancy...
Expertise: Learning how people and things are
Industry: Fashion/Writing
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/18/2004
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| if words keep ideas alive
And words form thoughts inside the mind
Since thoughts of you are still here inside
Does that mean you and I never died?
. . . i am thankful for sunshine shining. . . | | |
| It's not that I hate sleeping alone
It's that I hate sleeping without you.
. . . i am thankful for espresso. . .
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| It was as though everything started to blur together.
Every thing blended into the next, pieces melded.
I couldn't quite see through them anymore. The wall created was too thick.
Colors were there, textures I felt, but I couldn't breathe within it.
I whirled, then I gasped. I wanted a breath but couldn't hold onto one.
It all turned and I almost suffocated from inside.
Slowly, it started to fall away, and a fog arose in place.
I still held my breath; it was too much to take a full one inside the dirty fog.
Then I let it out.
Against the advice of my own head, despite wanting to survive on my own, it came out.
In turn, you breathed back clarity.
A weight I didn't know was on fell off me. I took in air to the bottom of my lungs.
Finally
And you were there.
The cloak dropped. Honesty surfaced.
You were still there.
I floated above to see clearer than in a long while,
Filled with the breath you gave me.
. . . i am thankful for rebooting. . .
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| You can't find anything if you don't lose it.
You may see it.
You may notice it.
But you'll never really find it.
I had to lose myself to find myself.
And in there, the real me was hiding, perhaps since childhood.
Glad you're back.
. . . i am thankful for easy waking up. . .
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| Not being satisfied. . . perhaps a trait of mankind, perhaps a product of society. Through other eyes- a sign of ambition, passion, and a director's eye. But no matter why or what the reason, I'm in the place of it now.
It's not that I'm not happy or grateful or satisfied with so many things. It is that beyond the basic needs being satisfied (finally), I am back in touch with the grumbling beneath. The larger, deeper desires that stayed quiet as I worked to make it this far. The desires that, unknown to me, grew and evolved as I did. Now, as we become reacquainted and I meet some for the first time, there is a visible gap and declaration that this gap between us must close.
We must first declare a breakdown to ever be able to break through. I am aware of this. Part of me embraces the breakdown as I imagine something greater must lie on the other side after I wade through the murkiness.
But what if I realize what it is I really want, get in touch with my heart's desires, set on a clear path, but all I come across are higher standards and a new type of dissatisfaction? I fear the more my eyes are opened, the more I come in touch with what I want, I'll settle less and less, making it harder and harder to reach satisfaction.
I fear the more I come in touch with who I want in my life, I may find this person not to be there.
It's natural. I am not the first and will not be the last to feel this. But when you're in it, you're in it. Feelings hit even when thoughts try to talk them down. When it feels real, it's real to you.
And by you, I mean me.
. . . i am thankful for friends and music. . .
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